omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
