god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
