This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
