do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
