I can tuck mytits in my pants
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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