You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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