Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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