You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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