Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
