i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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