my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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