i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
