Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
