my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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