I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
