Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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