I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
