I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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