dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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