hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
