I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
