I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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