I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
