Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She said her name was "party"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
