I will die if light touches me.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
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Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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