Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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