He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
