With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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