I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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