i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
