my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
