I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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