was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
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I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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