i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
