we have officially lost it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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