were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
