you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
