If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
