The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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