when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
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He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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