is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
