am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
