we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
