I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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