I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Boobs are out for the taking
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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