Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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