Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
