I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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