Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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