Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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