you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
