I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
