We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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