Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
