You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
