Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
