if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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