If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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