smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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