stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
if only i could text you this smell
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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