I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
