Swine flu. Run for my life!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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