wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize