nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
