Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
