This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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