I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
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So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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