my soul wont recognize me after tonight
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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