Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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