why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
