that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i barfeds in our rink
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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