I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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