There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
