Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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