Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
